These past few days had been days of confusion and torture to me. I’m currently trapped between two universities: UP and UA&P.

I know that you might be asking, “Why would you still choose between two schools when you have already enrolled in UP?”

Well, a few days ago, someone from UA&P called my father, informing him that they are willing to give free lodging for me, aside from the free tuition and miscellaneous fees of the said school. My dad immediately called me to talk about the situation, and he’s back to convincing me again to go to UA&P instead of UP (he has been bugging me since I was still in high school). He told me that I should think about it, and I should look at the bigger picture (not only at my situation, but also at my parents’ situation). He said that if I go to UA&P, our lives would be a lot easier, because mom can already retire from her work, and I could go home to CDO more often, bla bla bla. He said, “Accepting UA&P’s offer will remove practically the whole weight bearing down me and your mother now.”

I thought hard about it, but I still chose UP. I have reasons, and I think that these reasons are ~*reasonable enough*~ for me to stay. First, my dream course (CE) is in UP and there’s no CE in UA&P. My course in UA&P is Industrial Engg, and that is only my 3rd or 4th course of choice. Second, my dream school has always been UP. I’ve been dreaming and thinking about since God-knows-when, and I really want to go there. Third, even if I get to pay at UP, I know that I’ll be happy there and I know that even though we’re not that rich, I know that we can manage. Hindi naman pwedeng free nalang ang education ko buong buhay, di ba? Fourth, I have already made a life in UP. I already have friends, plans, and other stuff. One cannot just remove his UP life.

With the help of my brother and my Tita, my dad finally let go of UA&P, and followed my plans instead.

Everything went okay, until yesterday. UA&P called again, now offering a 6k monthly allowance and an 8k worth of accommodation, and now we’re back to the question again:

UP or UA&P? Dream school and dream course or practicality?

We’re just an average family, and going to UA&P means free everything. It’s like they’re paying me just to study there. My parents want UA&P, I want UP. I want to follow my dreams and my heart, but I don’t want to be selfish either.

Help.

Boracay, Philippines

I had to use my phone because I didn’t bring a camera. :/ Sorry for the low quality photos. XD

My life is completely different now, and change is inevitable.

I’m now in Manila and I’m living in my Tita’s house. I must admit that I’m still trying to adjust myself here. This is now a different house, and therefore the rules here are different. No more lazy days. No more okay-I’m-just-gonna-sleep-here-so-don’t-you-dare-disturb-me moments.No more party2x days. Hahaha :) :(

The weather here is so hot, and I’m having a hard time because of that. It seems that all the heat in the world is trapped in this house. Yes, the weather in CDO is also hot, but it’s different here — it’s 1000000x hotter. I guess that the weather’s the reason why pimples are invading my forehead and why I have so many mouth sores. :(

I can’t wait for school to start. I can’t wait to move into my dorm. I’m a stubborn person, and I hate following rules. I don’t like waking up early in the morning and trying to be a good person all the time. 

I miss my family so much, especially my mom. I miss her sweet, soothing voice. I miss our house. I miss the atmosphere in CDO. I miss, I miss, I miss. 

Okaaaay. Well, I’m currently in my Tita’s house in Bacolod. My mom just left for Cagayan de Oro, and that means that I’m now alone. Forever alone. :( Hahahaha :(

I’ll be going to Iloilo City tomorrow with my (other) tita and her family. We’ll have a little vacation, and after that, we’ll go to Manila, where I’ll be staying until I-don’t-know-when. I’ll be seeing my brother there, and we’ll live happily ever after.

Loljk. I’m really going to miss my family. My mom, my dad, my sister. HUHUHUHU :((

Oh well. I know I can do this. I just have to be strong. This is the decision I made, and I have to keep moving forward.

This is like a diary entry. Hahaha whatever. XD

One week. One more week in Cagayan de Oro and I’ll be gone. :’(

Oh, I’ll really miss CDO. I have lived here since I was barely a year old. This is the place where I met lots of friends. This is the place that witnessed all my experiences, good or bad. This is the place where I belong. And now I’ll be leaving it soon for college. T_T

Sometimes, I ask myself, why did I even think of going to Manila for college? Why the hell would I want to study in UP Diliman, when my friends and family are here? When I know that I’m completely safe here. When I know that I’ll never get lost here, because I know this place so much, like how I know where my things are in my messy room.  

Not that I regret my decision of going to Manila for college, though. It’s just that.. it’s sad to leave a place you have known all your life. It’s sad to leave your friends and family, who have always been there for you when you needed them. 

Oh well. I have made my decision and I need to move forward. Kailangan kong panindigan ‘to. I have tried so hard just to get into my dream school, and I’ll do my best to cope with all the challenges I’m about to face. It’s not like I’m the only one who’s going to Manila from CDO. I mean, I also have classmates and friends who’ll be studying in Manila, so I guess I shouldn’t worry that much.

*Sigh* Whatever happens, I know I can manage with God at my side. :)

Note: Photo not mine. That’s from Google, and credits to the owner. Mehehehe :D That’s a picture of CDO’s Night Cafe, btw. It’s one of the good things I love about CDO. Last Saturday night, I went there with my mom to go “ukay-ukay,” because I needed more pambahay clothes. ^_^ And gawd, I’m really happy for my buys not only because they were cheap, but because they’re really pretty and comfy! :D

I say “almost” because a car wasn’t really close to hitting me. It’s a car’s wheel that hit me.

Mind-blowing, I know right?

I was crossing the road with my mother, when I suddenly felt something hit the back of my leg, hard. I was taken by surprise, because I knew that the car going towards my direction was too far to hit me. When I looked back to see what hit me, I saw a car’s wheel. Yep. Singular. A freaking car’s wheel.

And I was like, “What the fck?”

Some people saw what happened, and one of them, who was close to me, looked at me and asked, “Where did that wheel come from?”

I looked around me and I saw a person in a motorbike approaching me. I found out later that a car’s wheel (I know that it’s a car’s and not  a motorbike’s because of its size), which was originally tied to the motorbike, accidentally “escaped” (can’t find a better word, sorry).

At that time, I was in complete shock. I really thought that I was going to be hit by a car and die. I immediately went in our car and cried. I couldn’t help it, and my dad, upon seeing me in tears, got out of the car and scolded the owner of the motorbike.

The back of my right leg (I don’t know what it’s called) still hurts. Good thing it didn’t have internal bleeding or something. :/

Graduation Day

Graduation day was a day of both happiness and sadness. We were all happy because we finally graduated, and we were also sad because graduation day means parting day for most students.

When I was in grade school (in a different school) I was 1st honorable mention and I was the one who gave the welcome address on graduation day. Funny, because in high school, I was still 1st honorable mention, and I was also still the one who gave the welcome address. HAHAHAHA :))

Last photo: Sam and I getting high HAHAHAHA XD

I guess it’s because my high school journey has finally ended. Maybe it’s because I’m not used to doing nothing, because I’m used to doing tons of school stuff. Maybe it’s because I’m not used having so much free time. 

Whatever the reason is, I sure am going to miss high school.

I’m going to miss the students in blue and white uniforms, chatting and walking around the school. I’m going to miss the feeling of getting really tired and sweaty, after climbing so many flights of stairs just to get to my classroom on 3rd floor. I’m going to miss how I would always arrive at school on time (and when I say on time, I mean 7:30, just the right time for a person not to be late) and how I would run to my classroom really fast because I wouldn’t want my classmates’ eyes on me when I enter the classroom, when class has already started.

Who would forget Corpus Christi’s cheering competitions? Definitely not me. I’ll forever remember the tears and smiles of me and my fellow batchmates, after winning the said competition for 2 consecutive years. I will always treasure the times when we were so tired we wanna give up, but did not.

I’ll miss Manang Guard who would always open the gates of the school for me when I go there at 9pm, so that I could wait for my dad to fetch me. I’ll miss how we would always talk about the most random things, from the school staff to burglars of our school. I’ll also miss the vendors in our school, from Manong Kwek Kwek to the lady who sells burgers. 

Read More

A UP Manila freshie committed suicide this morning, after not being able to pay her tuition fees.

This is so heartbreaking.

I feel so sad and so angry at the same time. After forcing Ms. Kristel to file  LOA and denying her request for a tuition loan, and after she committed suicide, the UPM admin is now extending financial assistance to her family. SRSLY, UPM ADMIN? SRSLY?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! The student has to die before you can help her financially?! Watdafuq?!

Ms. Kristel is not the only victim of this bullshit. There are thousands of students out there who are also stuck in this situation. It’s really heartbreaking when a student cannot pursue his education and his dreams as well just because of financial problems.

She just needed more time, UPM admin. Just time, and you couldn’t give it to her. It’s not like the whole country or the whole UPM will collapse if she couldn’t pay her fees on time. :’(

I’m an incoming freshie of UPD (if nothing goes wrong) and I’m  scared. What if we suddenly become too poor to pay the tuition fees? What if, like Ms. Kristel’s case, the UPD admin will deny my request for tuition loan? What if, what if I’ll also… never mind.

Oh, STFAP, eff you. You really made UP education harder to acquire. I’m in Bracket ****, and my parents and I are having problems because for us, the fees we need to pay are still so high. *sigh*

JUSTICE FOR KRISTEL. JUSTICE FOR EDUCATION.

“Perfect-on ha? (Ipe-perfect ha?)” Khalil and I kept on chanting this to each other as we entered the room where the MTAP Division Finals was to be held.

We didn’t get a perfect score, though. We made one mistake in the last question of the easy round. I swear, at that time, I thought we were going to lose.

But heyyy, we didn’t. SAJDHKJAHDKJAHDKAJHDKJ. We won 1st place! And  we are going to represent Cagayan de Oro in the Regionals!!!

Pardon me, I’m just so happy. :D Thank you Lord! Thank you Coach! Thanks everyone! :)

Congrats to our 1st year who also won 1st place, and to our 3rd year who won 2nd place! :D

Hi guys. JGH from church. Well, I can’t quite believe that 2012 will be gone in a few hours. :)) I mean, December 31 wasn’t really something of a big deal to me during the past years, but now it is. 2012 has brought me a lot of memories, both good and bad, and I guess that that’s the reason why it seems that I don’t want to let go of this year yet.

I won’t be posting the photos of my highlights/trends this year, because I’m too lazy to think of every significant event that happened to me for every month. Mehehe. :) Also, my life is not really that exciting (not that I’m complaining or something, of course), and that’s why I don’t really find the point of making a post of this year’s highlights. Hehe. 

Anyway.

I’m so thankful for all the blessings, the experiences, and the challenges God has given me this year. I’m so thankful for surviving this year. I’m thankful for my family, for my friends, and for all the other people who played a role in my life. I’m thankful for the good health and good life. There are so many things that I am thankful for, and one blog post (or maybe even a hundred) won’t contain them all, so I’ll just leave them in my mind. Meheheh. :D

Thanks for the memories, 2012! :D

I pray for a good year for my family, for my country, for me. I pray for a more peaceful world, for a stronger family, for a good year in college (in my dream university, I hope), for a happier and more meaningful life, and for more experiences that will teach me the different lessons life  has to offer. :)

Advance Happy New Year! :)

Kwek kwek by Llerbear (original composition)

So… here’s my promised gift to one of my close friends in school — Kwek kwek! :D Her real name’s Quennie, but I call her Kwek2x because I can (and I’m the only one who calls her that. LOL okay proud).

LOL. Hi Kwek kwek! Funny and simple lang ni na song pero with effort bya ni ha! HAHAHAHA! Merry Christmas! :) And bear with my voice nalang, bag-ong mata pako (surely madunggan nimo ang mga tilaok sa manok sa background hahaha) and one-shot recording rapud ni. HAHAHA! :D

There are times when I find myself crying for no reason, when I feel like I’m the saddest person alive, when I feel like I have nothing, when I feel like I have no one. There are times when I just want to disappear into thin air, without anyone noticing. There are times when I wish that I were someone better, someone more successful, someone more sophisticated.

And because of that, I cry because the world is so fucked up.

The world is so fucked up. The world is so unfair. Yes, I used to think that the world is fair because everyone thinks that it’s unfair. But then I realized that this “fairness” is  of different levels to different people. There are people who have their world “more fair” than the others’. There are people who suffer more than others.

So, maybe you’re now asking why I think that the world is fucked up. Well, I’m about to write my answer. Get ready because reality is about to slap you in the face, hard, if in case it still hasn’t.

The world is fucked up because people look only at a person’s outer beauty, success, wealth, fame, even intelligence, and not at his “inner beauty.” People have lost the capacity to think and look beyond those shiny and glittery things. People don’t care anymore. Men fall in love (or is it really love?) for women who have a perfect face, a perfect body, perfect skin! Women approach those men with abs and money. I am not saying that people who have a pretty face are bad or something. I mean, I know that it’s not their fault that they’re born pretty or handsome. It’s just that… how about those people who didn’t really have the kind of beauty that those famous people have? How about those people who loathe and fear prom because they know that they’ll have a hard time looking for a partner? How about those people who fall in love with someone who do not even know of their existence, just because they don’t have the looks and the fame? 

The world is fucking fucked up, and it fucking hurts.

I’m not blaming everyone, really. I guess, I’m blaming those people who brainwashed the people into thinking that the best people are the ones who are the prettiest, sexiest, and the richest, the most intelligent. I blame the media for giving people the mindset that handsome guys fall only for pretty girls, and vice versa. I blame the media for making people who want to be celebrities to think that being a celebrity is a dream only for pretty and handsome ones. I blame those people who bully other people who lack physical beauty or whatever-you-call-it.

And at the end of the day, all I can do is to accept the reality and just hope and pray that the world gets better.

P.S. If you know how to read between the lines, you would know what my greatest fear in life is.

P.P.S I suck at writing, IKR? So please pardon me. I just had to let some of my feelings and thoughts out.