I know that posts about love are too mainstream, but hey, give me a chance to post one. I rarely post something about love, and whenever I do, it is usually not too dramatic or too emotional. So, here it is.

I have always believed in the saying that “To love is to be hurt.” I am not sure if I got this saying from somewhere or if I made it up, though I am sure that most of you believe in this one. I mean, there is always a time when one gets hurt because of love, right? If you have not experienced pain in the process of loving someone, maybe it is because it is not love that you have experienced, or maybe it is because you are just an abnormal person.

This is the very reason why I’m afraid to fall in love, or to even have a crush on someone. I am not scared to like guys just because they are handsome or cute, but when I start to like a guy and I do not even know why I do, that’s when the “scary” part comes in. I always fear love because I know that it will just shatter me into pieces, in the end. 

I am writing this post because I’m starting to fall in love again, and it scares me. I have experienced falling in love (or maybe it wasn’t love, whatever), and it did not do me any good. In the end, I always get hurt and the people I love always leave. Not that it is their fault or something, though. It’s my fault because I never make a move, because I fear rejection and I know that I am never good enough for the person I love.

I am starting to fall in love again, but this time, it is different. I am falling in love with a guy who is actually my friend, and someone who I actually talk to almost everyday. This time, falling in love is scarier because I know that I will experience more pain, more confusion, and a bigger heartbreak. 

So please tell me, how do you stop someone from falling in love? Because I need myself or someone to stop me from doing so. I do not want to get hurt again, especially when it is because of that thing called love. I would rather get hurt by insults of other people, I swear.

Or maybe there is no way to stop me from falling in love.

Hello. Last night, I was thinking about you, and I guess it’s because I read your recent post yesterday. 

Uhm, I just want you to know that I’m really happy for you. I mean it. I know that you love your girlfriend very much, and who am I to protest? Hehe. You’re not my crush anymore, so I don’t really mind. Your girlfriend is so lucky to have you. You are a loyal and honest person, and I know that you love your girlfriend so much. You are lucky to have her, too, because I know that finding someone whom you truly love happens once in a blue moon, and you have found yours. Your relationship may be currently in a mess (based on your recent post), but I know that you’ll be able to overcome all your problems. I know you as a very strong person, and I have no doubts that your relationship will last.

Did you know that I cried in my bed last night? And that’s because of you. I cried not because I still love/like/whatever (I’m not sure if it was even love that I felt for you. I mean, I don’t even know you very well. PBB TEENS?!! HAHAHAHA) you, but because I miss you. I miss you. I miss being your friend. I miss everything about you. I miss talking to you. I just miss you so bad, and it pains me to think that we’re not talking to each other anymore.

We don’t talk anymore, because we’re both busy. I don’t want to leave a message, because I don’t want to bother you. You’re graduating in college soon, and I know that you have a lot of problems. I don’t want to be a burden to you. I don’t want you to feel awkward when you see my TA in your messages. I don’t want to message you also because I don’t want you think that I’m still after you or something. I am not. I want you and your girlfriend to be free from bullshits (like me).

You rarely update your blog. You post like, once a month or every two months. I miss your super long posts. You used to be very active here on Tumblr. I miss your way of writing. I miss reading your ideas, may they be crazy or not. I miss your wild imagination. I miss you. :’(

I had a lot of crushes here on Tumblr, but you are the one who had the most impact. I liked you not because of your looks, but because of something I don’t even know. Basta.

I really miss you.  I miss being your friend. I will never unfollow you and you will always be part of me. LOL SCRATCH THAT. That’s too cheesy. HAHAHA. Anyway, I wish you all the best in life. Take care always, will you?

I know that you’re least likely to be able to read this post, since you rarely go to Tumblr anymore. But I’m publishing this anyway. 

You know who you are.

Note: Sam, please don’t judge me for this. :)

Forgetting the person who complicates your life is one way of making everything okay.

I am not the kind of person who waits forever. I’m not like other people who believe that they are destined with the person they love, and they just have to wait. I  know when one should stop loving someone. When? Of course, it is when you know that nothing’s ever gonna happen. It’s when you know that those dreams are never gonna come true. It’s when you realize that all this time, you have been blind about the reality — the reality that you’d never have him. EVER. I might sound harsh here, but it’s the truth.

And I guess I must move on. Yep, I must move on. I don’t have all the time for you. I should think about myself, too. I must stop this nonsense “love” thing. Maybe it isn’t even love. I don’t know. But yes, I’ll move on. I must. 

I’m not emotionally affected or something. I mean, yes I am, but I’m not affected like I think I’m gonna die or something. You are just one person who made my life complicated, okay? It’s not like I can’t live a day without seeing you. When was the last time I saw you?  March 20? And now I’m still okay. I knew that you’d leave me, that I wouldn’t see you anymore someday, and I have prepared myself for it.

In short, I am saying goodbye. I know that WE will never happen, and I didn’t expect US to happen. I’m moving on, and I hope I won’t see you again. I hope I won’t see you again, because I’m afraid that if I do, all those memories I had with you will come back and destroy me. Again.

I mentioned Lucky Charm in some of my posts, and I realized that I haven’t even described him clearly to you guys yet. So, I’ll try describing my crush to you in a way that my schoolmates won’t be able to figure out who Lucky Charm really is. HAHA.

So…

• He’s tall, dark, and handsome.
• He likes to sleep (like me), I guess. XD
• I always see him with his barkada (the good kind of barkada, of course).
• He looks “maldito” but he is really friendly and “sabay.”
• Yes, I know that because we became friends for a short time (and I mean real friends, real communication, real conversation, real laughter). XD
• He’s smart and he’s serious with his studies. 
• He’s manly. :”> HIHI.
• He looks good when he wears _________.
• He’s perfect in my eyes. :)

HAHAHAHHAHAHA. That’s it. Good night. ^___^

This morning was very special to the Seniors, especially to those who were from the honor’s class. The list of honor students was announced. You should have seen the happiness and shock that registered in the faces of the people who were called to go to the stage when their names were called. Students with honorable mention were called first, then the 3rd honorable mention, and so on until the valedictorian was called.

And my mouth was hanging open the whole time the names were called.

I was so shocked and amazed. The unexpected happened. I mean, at least for me. Students who ranked very high last year didn’t rank as high this year. Students who were not really in the highest rank last year went booming upwards.

And then I realized something. It’s not about how high the intelligence of a person is. It’s about hardwork. Even though you’re not as smart as another person, you can still surpass that other person by working really hard.

I would like to congratulate our valedictorian, Sheryl Saturinas! And congratulations to our two salutatorians, Jenny Tuto and Sergio Benoya. And to our 1st honorable mention, Noe Ong Jr! :)) CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL! :D

And most of all, CONGRATULATIONS TO MY CRUSH, LUCKY CHARM! :”> You don’t know how proud I am of you. I knew it. I knew that you’d be able to make it to the honors list. I knew it because you are so hardworking and you’re really serious in your studies. I’m so so so happy and proud of you. :”>

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL SENIORS! :)

It happened yesterday. Our time for practicing and making props for our Noli play was up. It was time to go home, and we were walking down the 3rd floor of a building. I passed by Lucky Charm’s classroom, and I found out that they were still having a class. Hey, I know that the codename “Lucky Charm” for a crush is a bit ew, but hmph, I can’t think of anything else because his codename is stuck in my head.

Anyway, we passed by LC’s room and I saw him writing something intently on his paper. He is so handsome, I thought. For a moment, I just stared at him. That moment was too fast because I was walking while staring at him. And I, being a girl who never gets contented when it comes to seeing my crush, grabbed Amera and told her that we should go back so that we could pass by LC’s classroom again. LOL. She had no choice but to grant my request, so we separated from our classmates and went back to “see” my crush again. I had that magical moment when I saw him again, HAHAHA. I was still not contented, so again, I asked Amera to go with me and look at my crush for the last time. We were like dorks, passing by one classroom over and over again, just so I could satisfy my greedy heart. And I wrote the word “again” 90238091283 times in this paragraph. Okaaaay.

After that crazy moment, while Amera and I were walking, she asked me a question, a question that made my world stop for a moment.

“You’re not thinking about 3 anymore, are you?” Amera asked.

3. Of course, 3. He’s the guy I love since I was still in 2nd year. He’s the guy who made me cry when he graduated and left school. Of course. I should be thinking of him instead of Lucky Charm. Yes, LC’s my crush, but 3’s the one I truly love. (Char)

And I realized, I have moved on. My heart doesn’t beat fast anymore when I go to 3’s Facebook account (lol stalker!). I don’t even think about him often anymore. I don’t expect myself to see him again anymore. I don’t love him anymore.

I sighed, because I know that this coming March, it will be Lucky Charm’s turn to graduate. Like 3, he is going to leave school. He is going to leave me.

HAHAHAH. So I’m annoyed by my classmates because they kept on teasing me about my ex-crush, 2. Like what the eff? He’s not my crush anymore. Yes, he used to be. But that was eons ago and I can’t even remember why I liked him. Oh yes I remember. It was because he was so good looking when he’s far. But when he’s near, never mind. HAHAHAHAHA, I’m so cruel, I know.

I’m just annoyed and nervous because rumors might spread and I’m afraid that 2 will know about it. And his head would become so big, and he’d feel like he’s the most handsome person ever. 

I hate it because my classmates would mention his name so casually. Like, bitches, what if 2’s right behind you? I’ll eff you all. HAHAHA joke.

I’m not mad, I’m annoyed. I’m freaking annoyed by my classmates. And there’s this classmate who asked “Gwapo si *insert-2’s-name-here*?” at recess. There were seniors behind us, and she didn’t even think before asking. I swear, in that moment, I wanted to punch her in the face. I made sure that my voice was loud when I answered her, “Of course not! Ug dili nako siya crush, OKAY?!”

2’s not my crush anymore, K?! You guys are SOOOOO late. I have a new crush, and he’s 12938091238x better than 2! >( And I like my new crush not because of his looks. :”>

SO SHUT UP, BITCHES. HIHI.

ateenagerwithablog:

I used to care.

I used to stay late in school just to see you. I used to write your name all over my books, notebooks and any surface that I could possibly find. I used to write your last name instead of mine in my notebooks. I used to enjoy seeing that. I used to enjoy seeing you. I used to love you.

The truth is, I did care. It’s not that I have never cared for you. I just did but you didn’t notice. But it’s all gone now. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t hold on to you when I’m not important as you are to me. I can’t cling to the idea that we are ever going to be together. You don’t even know me. You love someone else. I’m loving someone who I’m not supposed to, someone who doesn’t even know I exist, I’m loving you. And it hurts. It hurts not to see you by my side. It hurts to see you talk to girls that are much beautiful than me, much better than me. It hurts to see that I am no one in your life. I just want to be yours. I just want to feel your eyes on me, on mine. I just long for your touch. I want to hear your voice to say my name. I just want to be the reason why you have that silly smile plastered on your face. I just want your arms around me. I just want you.

I can’t. I can’t have you. I had admitted that to myself now. The distance between us hurts me more than anything could possibly be but I would forget you someday. But I have to say, I miss you standing by the gates where you would list the late comers and those who have forgotten their I.Ds, I miss seeing you eat by your usual table in the canteen, I miss our brief eye contacts, I miss looking forward to seeing your face, I miss my heart jumping when I do, I miss you.

The canteen is empty without you. I can feel your absence in everywhere I look. I don’t see you by the gate anymore. You’ve left. For college, but still. I wish I was with you. I wish I could see you. But I can’t.

My friends tell me I should just forget you and I think, right now, I should. I just can’t. I can’t love someone who would never be mine. You would just be my unreachable dream.

And now, many months have passed, I’ve gotten used to the casual thumping of my heart, no more surprises. It hasn’t beaten wildly since you’ve been gone. I’m used to the idea that I won’t see you anymore. I’ve accepted it. But still I look everywhere just in case I see you. Just when I have gotten used to life without you, you show up. Suddenly, I see you in the quadrangle. Your hair was messy, you looked bored, an expression that I have already memorized, but I still thought you were the most beautiful person on earth. My heart practically stops. You turn around and we lock eyes. I see the many things that I have done for you. The many things that you didn’t notice because you don’t know me, I’m no one to you but you’re everything to me. I remember writing our names in my notebooks, your names in my notebooks, waiting for you, seeing you at your usual table, going home late, it all flashes by. My heart goes crazy.

I used to care.

I can’t deny the truth.

The truth is, I still do.

Thank you Sam for writing the story of MY lovelife. It’s really touching, and almost all details are correct. I almost cried while I was reading this, and this post made me miss him more. :’(

Corrections:

1. “You love someone else.” - No, he doesn’t love someone else. 
2. “ It hurts to see you talk to girls…” - Uhm, he rarely talks to girls.
3.  ”I just long for your touch.” - Uhm, this sounds like porn to me. LOLJK
4. And no, it’s not his job to list latecomers. But he still stands by the gate :)
5. “I can’t love someone who would never be mine. You would just be my unreachable dream.” - That’s not true! I HAVE A CHANCE, OKAY?! HAHAHAH (pathetic much?)

HUHUHUHUHU. :’(

I have a new crush in school! :D HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA XD And no, it’s not just the ordinary “crushing.” I mean, I have millions of crushes in school. But this one is different. I really really really really like him. HHAHAHAHAHHA ANG LANDI. So far in my life, I have 3 “real” crushes. One is 3, one is a loser, and the last one is my crush now. HAHAHHA! :)

I won’t give a lot of details about him because I don’t want others to be chismosos and chismosas. I’ll just describe him nalang. HHAHAHAHA. He’s:

• Gwapo. Not the most handsome of all, but still gwapo.
• Friendly. Yes! Super friendly! We’re actually friends! (1st time kong magka crush sa isang kaibigan. We’re not close though. We rarely talk. Like 3x. So maybe we’re not really friends. HAHAHA. But it’s okay! :D)
• He doesn’t make you feel OP.
• He is sabay! XD
• He’s not snobbish! :D
• He’s ashdihdjkahskjdh i don’t know! :)
• He’s lkjLKAJlkajslkjalksjkajs

Mehehehe :3 Nagkasabay pa kami kanina sa *toooooot* . I felt so awkward kasi kaming dalawa lang ang nasa *tooooot*. I was like “Dammit! Pansinin mo naman ako! We used to talk before diba?!” And guess what? He didn’t disappoint me! I can feel his awkwardness and hesitation for a while, but then he turned to me, waved, and said “Hi!” HAHAHAH shet. Kinilig ako nang bonggang bongga. I waved back at him and said “Hello!” HIHIHIHIHIHI.

RF: He looks a lot like my ex-crush (back when I was like, twelve?) named D. I mean, his initial is D. :)

Nakita ko si 3 kanina. Let’s see. This is my second time seeing him this year. HAHAHAHA :D E di ako na ang kawawa. Nagkakacrush pa rin sa taong grumaduate na sa school at hindi na kailanman babalik. Lels.

So ayun nga, nakita ko siya sa simbahan kanina. LKAJSKLAJSLKAJLKSJLKAJSKJASKHHASG. Hindi ko siya napansin dahil well, hindi naman ako yung taong may pake sa mga tao sa simbahan. Anyway, nagulat nalang ako nung bumalik ako sa upuan ko pagkatapos kong tumanggap ng communion. Nandun siya, nakaupo, at gwapo! :D HAHAHAHAHAA. AT MAGKA-ROW PA KAMI. Tengene. Siguro 3 people away lang siya. Katabi ng ate ko (na katabi ko) ang pamilya niya. Nakita ko ang parents niya and I was like “Hello Mommy and Daddy!” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Landi ko forevs.

As usual, gwapo pa rin siya. Matangkad pa rin. HEHEHE. :) Nagbago nang kaunti ang hairstyle. Sa Foundation Days ko siya last nakita (that was October). Naka-black siya, same kami. :”> HAHAHAHA. Naka Gawad Kalinga shirt siya. Gwapo niya. HAHAHAHAHA XD

Every Sunday ako pumupunta sa church (iba’t ibang church) at 1st time ko siyang nakita sa isang church. Hindi ko na sasabihin kung anong church. Hehe.

Now I know kung saan na church magsisimba every Sunday at kung kailan. BWAHAHAHAHA. Joke! :D Landi mo Tere! XD

This is a continuation of this post.

So after nung Battle of the bands, may mga performances. Nakaupo kami ni Sam sa floor sa may harap (wala na si Charie kasi umuwi na). Tapos bigla nalang akong kinurot ni Sam at sinabing “Uy! Tingin ka sa left mo! Nanjan si 3!” Tumingin ako at tama nga si Sam. “3” nga pala ang codename ko sa KANYA. Mehehehehe :3 Ang saya ko kasi ang lapit niya. Nakatayo siya at inaayos niya ang camera at ang tripod kasi kukunan niya ng video ang isang performance. Kitang kita ko siya dahil wala namang naka block sa paningin ko. Palagi akong nagnanakaw ng tingin sa kanya, lels.

Then later on, may nag perform na isang group ng mga 2nd, 3rd, and 4th year boys. Nakakatuwa ng sayaw nila kasi nakakatawa. Basta. At nung time na yun, nag move kami ni Sam kasi io-occupy ng performers ang floor (at hindi stage). Pumunta ako sa tabi ni 3 at dun nanood ako ng performance! HAHAHAHA! Ang landi ko talaga. Well who cares?! Sayang ang oportunidad kung hindi ko siya tatabihan noh! I was just grabbing my opportunity.  HAHA. Who knows? Baka yun na ang last time na makita ko siya. At hindi naman yun malicious kasi nagsiksikan naman kaming audience. The thing is, katabi ko siya. NAKATABI KO ANG LALAKENG MAHAL KO. First time yan.

Pagkatapos ng 1st performance ay nag picture2x kami ni Sam. Nag pa as if kami na pipicturan ako ni Sam, pero ang totoo naman talaga ay ang taong nasa likod ko ang pinipicturan — si 3. HAHAHAHAA! Diskarte yan men! :D I was just cherishing the moment. HAHAHA :)) 

And that was the best night ever ♥

Kanina, pumunta ang section namin sa English viewing room. Kapag pupunta ka roon, kailangan mo munang dumaan sa corridor ng 4th year students.

Habang naglalakad ako at ang mga kaklase ko, napadaan ako sa classroom ni crush. Tamang tama ang timing kasi nung dumaan ako sa harap ng door nila, lumabas si crush. HAHAHAHA! Dun ko na realize na mas matangkad pa pala siya kesa sa inaakala ko, kasi he was like 5 inches taller than me. HHAHAHHA K.

Mas gwapo nga siya kesa sa isang crush ko na nasa college na ngayon (at hindi man lang bumibisita sa school). Subalit mas matimbang pa rin si crush na nasa college na kesa kay crush na 4th year. Pero gwapo pa rin silang dalawa. HAHA :)

Good evening! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA MARY! :D